Moan for me like Helen Keller
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
