He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
PANTIES FOUND
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
