then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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