I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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