please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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