i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
