At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
