Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Can you bring me the toilet please
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
