no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
