Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
