listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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