Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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