I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
