I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
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I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
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I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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