why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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