How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
