Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
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I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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