Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
