I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
