He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
