SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
