make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
