I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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