We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
