grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
