There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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