Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
