i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
