You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
