Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
