we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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