there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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