Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
