i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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