ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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