haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize