I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
