You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
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You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
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Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say