Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Two words: blizzard sex
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.