let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.