she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION