Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
