I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
