I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
