Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I looked at my own cervix.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
