even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
