So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
