If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
