I seem to have left my pride at pride
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
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And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
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Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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