Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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