my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
