Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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