Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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