Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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