his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
