Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
