Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
