So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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