This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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