We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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