:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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