accomplished twins. life is a go
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
