I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
