turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
