Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
