i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
