It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
