When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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