you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
