She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
