I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
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Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
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I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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