she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
