just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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