I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
